Monday, October 8, 2007

Falling out of LOVE?

Love’s lessons
By Melanie Lim.

I can’t claim to be a guru. But in matters of the heart, I’ve learned a thing or two.

Despite what we think, men really can’t read our minds. A few have been blessed with this supernatural ability but for the rest of the mortal males, they need to be reminded to remember; they need to be told to take action.

So stop expecting a surprise on your birthday or anniversary or you might truly be surprised.

Say the words—don’t let the moment pass. But if that time has come and gone, don’t beat yourself to pulp. To ruminate in regret for the rest of your life benefits no one. Mourn but move on. It’s all right to let your tears fall but no public wailing please.

If you don’t feel loved, you’re probably right. Stop making excuses for the man in your life. He can’t be busy all the time. He can’t be perpetually clumsy and clueless. When you feel the interest waning, it probably has waned. If he can’t make room in his life for you now, it isn’t likely he ever will.

If he is not brave enough to tell you he no longer loves you then ask him yourself if it is true. Don’t bawl at the truth. Take it like a woman. Bow out gracefully. There is no shame in no longer being loved only in clinging on to someone who no longer loves you.

Don’t ask why. You don’t need to know. You need it for closure? You do not need him to recite your faults and failings—real or imagined. He does not need to hear your rebuttal either. He has rested his case. He no longer loves you—that should be enough closure for you. Let it be. You do not need to know everything.

Sometimes, love dies—for no logical reason. But then again, there is no logic in falling in love so falling out should follow the same pattern. Remember, you can’t love for two. And you can’t compel anyone to love you—despite how wonderful you may truly be.

It’s still best to break up amicably. Should you keep in touch? Why not? Should you hang out? What for? You can stay civil and compassionate with each other but you don’t have to be friends if you don’t want to. You don’t have to be mortal enemies but you don’t have to be bosom buddies either.

I’ve learned that with age, I don’t have to be wiser—just braver. To love someone is a blessing. But to stop loving someone is not necessarily a tragedy. The dateless need not be desperate on Valentine’s Day. They can actually be—simply delighted to be free.

It is a liberating feeling to no longer pine for anyone—not exactly where I expected to be at this time in my life. But I can’t say I’m disappointed. It actually feels pretty good to be able to find the courage to be finally free. I’ve learned to be happy without a man and that, to me, is a gift far greater than anything a man could ever give me.

Note: Melanie Lim Is one of my favorite columnists in a local newspaper. Although I rarely buy it for the news but when I do, it is her column that I read first. It's not that I don't like the other columnists, its just that she writes with simplicity. She is very direct to the point and that's what I love about her.


melai said...

crazy, gnahan sad kaau ko ani niya oi.. i have a copy of her book, titled wide awake.. nice au..

elaine said...

crazy, gnahan sad kaau ko ani niya oi.. i have a copy of her book, titled wide awake.. nice au..

camille said...

uyy, nice lagi ni. hehe, mangita ko sa iya book.