The Mind of An Alcoholic

Away from the rustle and bustle of the city, I confine myself in the refuge of my home. Here, I woke up to the twittering birds of the morning, to the soothing feel of the morning dew and to gracious smell of home-cooked meals.

I would have been totally satisfied except that every day of my stay, I wake up to the scent of tequila, vodka and oh my favorite whisky. My mind fights the thought of getting drunk again but sobering up is just as hard here as it has always been in the city. Constant temptation are abound and who am I not to fall for them.

I am surrounded with reminders that I am as weak as a newborn child, vulnerable and easy prey. Can anybody help me? Can anybody save me from drowning into total delirium?

I guess no one can. I am but my own ally and it is I who can guard this slowly crumbling life of mine.

P. S. Vodka, Tequila and Whisky are our dogs and this is just a work of literature. Hehehe...The writer in me just wants to scribble this down.

Shi**y Experience

For the past days, I have been contemplating on changing the blogger template. Being the new blogger that I am, I ended up utilizing as much as the blogger template had to offer. I've invested on learning a little HTML to somehow alleviate my ignorance. Just the basics as they say.

Last night, I came upon Pyzam and it offers templates way better that what I saw in blogger. No offense to blogger, but there were a few selections thee that I really like and might actually even love (murag love story).

So, I went ahead copying the code and changing my template. The worst part of it is that in the process, all HTML code I have made in my side bar as well as my Adsense are also going to be deleted. Heck I'm not gonna do it. Of course, I wouldn't want to redo all my code and having to copy it again and paste it is much of a hassle to me. (Call it laziness)

It's just that I suck at HTML.

I shifted from CompE to Nursing because I never liked programming.

Mao ra!

Wonderfully Short-Lived

While most people are resigned to the fact that some good things never last, others move heaven and earth to somehow make it last a bit more. Humans find it hard to let go of a something pleasant thinking that by doing so, they would be spared from being in pain or suffering agonizing consequences. More often than not, they are proven wrong and instead are faced with far more excruciating end-results.

Do you believe some good things are never meant to last?

Below is the story of a person who has affected my life in grandiose proportions.

In the previous week, I have met someone and we have spent five days together. Quite unexpectedly, that person took me places I have not been, brought about emotions I have yet to fathom and let me experienced things only found in my subconscious. Despite such a whirlwind of a romance (if you can even qualify it as such!) and such a short time spent together, my feelings betrayed me. My usually emotionless and distant demeanor has turned out to be exactly the opposite. The person seduced me to become the person I dreadfully fear of turning into: an emotional and easily read. I was no longer poker-faced, aloof and snob. With that person, proximity and intimacy was never an issue to me. No matter how much I tried to distant myself, I am drawn to the person even more. Smiling almost became automatic. The person tricked me that “my-mind-over-matter” take on things never seemed to work. Indeed, my brain cells malfunctioned that I ended up having to wear my heart so openly – so open that it could have easily fallen prey to any monstrous predators that abound. Thankfully, that person was never the opportunistic type. I was my most vulnerable state yet I was never taken advantage. Every amount of infatuation I had was reciprocated with every inch of care possibly given by a human being. To some point, I was in love and that person, in a very subtle way, taught me a very tangible lesson in life: by learning to love yourself only will you be able to love others. Being with that person, being ecstatic is an understatement (I hope I was able to get that through.).

However, the tryst has proved to be short-lived. The person could not stay with me for good because of the bounds of work, family life and personal attachments based in Manila. I had no choice but to hesitantly say goodbye (hopefully, just for now). In fairness, the person specifically stated that the stay would only be good for five days and I admit that five days felt like years of togetherness. I can honestly say that somehow I have known the person for a lifetime.

I hope that this good thing could have its continuation.

Now, regarding the above-stated question, I admit, at some point in my life, I have been both a believer and skeptic. True, I can be very clingy at times; holding on to every ounce of possibility that things are bound to work should you put your heart and soul into it. However, I have come to realize (the painful way, of course!) that learning to let go is an awful part of life. Some incidents happen only to teach you and get you prepared so that when you are faced with the same situation, you take on it with a knowing mind, a strong heart and all-the-needed confidence. Some degree of familiarity will always be a good ally and it could come in handy in the most desperate times.


P.S.:
Anyhow, Lee-an, wherever your feet may randomly take you and whatever you may be preoccupied with as of the moment, I would like you to know that having you in Cebu is the most liberating feeling of all. Lying beside you was the most secure time of my life. With you, I truly am myself minus the blunders (you know what I mean). I will miss you!

Though it may not include me, I will fervently hope for your happiness and success. You deserve that!

5 Things I Hate about You!

I hate it when we are together but it feels like I am with someone else. You are so near yet somehow very far. (North Pole could have been warmer and penguins are far better company.)

I hate it when you say one thing but actually mean the opposite. Irony becomes you! (Be honest for once- at least to yourself.)

I hate it when you shove it in my face that we are polar opposites. (You are religious all right, righteous to some point and I am the most dangerous person in the world. Haha!)

I hate it when you talk of time. I spend it with you as much as I can but still, it is not enough. (Why don’t you marry your wristwatch, wall clock or grandfather’s clock! You will always have all the time. There is an added bonus: the pendulum to bang your head with for reality check- you need that trust me!)

I hate it when you say you are sensitive. To tell you frankly, you are blatantly lying to yourself. You know I have issues to resolve and problems I am beset with yet you only think of yourself- stressing on how you want time spent with you! (Look who’s being sensitive now! Did you ever get enough attention?)

You are never perfect- with misgivings and imperfections- but I took you as you are. Now spare me the drama, you are not a relationship expert; don't act as if you are!

P.S. What is written here are products of the blogger’s cruel and sometimes angry imagination. Whatever likeness it has to the readers was never done on purpose but just mere coincidence!

Utterly Annoyed

Filipinos have this long-standing tradition of hiring sound systems for annual fiestas. In the spirit of fun, they organize discos and a whole lot of gimmicks for the sheer entertainment of visitors as well as residents. However, when does it go out of bounds? When is much, too much?

Our barangay chapel has celebrated yet another year of its existence yesterday, September 9. The good news is the "diskoral" (in local dialect because of a mere fence guarding the disco) was not absent at all. As early as 5PM, their sound system has started shrieking like an angry siren of an ambulance and fire truck combined. Worse, the choice of music is not what you might call entertaining. Imagine having "makulay ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay" song ringing in your ears at least 5 times from early dusk until late dawn! Apart from that, the source of music is about twenty meters from where I would stand, where I would watch TV and eventually, where I would sleep (wasn't able to sleep at all as a matter of fact!). Who wouldn't get utterly annoyed?

Of course, I cannot do anything. If I storm to where the disco is and ask the organizers to halt whatever it is they are doing or at least lessen the volume, I would not only turn out as a complete jerk but also a total killjoy. I am left with no choice but to suck it up! In the end, I slept at around 4AM (roughly the time they finally decided to call it quits). Call it major sucking up!

Naga City, Cebu?

First of all, I do not claim to be a bureaucratic guru to know about the advantages of Naga's conversion into a city. Trust me, I know the least!

I am making this blog entry solely as a private citizen of the town who has spent practically all of my life here. This quaint town has had its share of development - it boasts of 3 gigantic Power Plants generating a suitable income for a simple town to thrive. Its town proper is infiltrated with numerous building establishments - although not multinational corporations - but enough to quench the needs of the citizens. The townsfolk has had decent jobs - thanks to the abovesaid power plants and its proximity to Cebu City ( a 45-minute PUJ ride for those who are unaware).

Generally, I am happy the way things are right now.

With the upcoming buzz of its cityhood and the scheduled plebiscite tomorrow, the big question is: Will I vote yes?. Honestly, no I am not. I cannot sacrifice the peace of mind I have everytime I stroll its somewhat busy streets (lawless individuals are bound to appear, you see). I could never allow more pollution to its surrounding seas (only source of income for Fishermen), to its somewhat fresh air and to its provincial feel in general.

When I am in Naga, I feel like I am in another world: no traffic congestion, lush greens abound, and home does feel like home.

I know I am but one vote. My writing this would never stop whatever the result would be tomorrow. Still, I am happy. I've made my stand and I will not vote.

Woefully Yours

My day is nowhere near great. My face is, once again, shoved by the fact that I am not as independent as I thought I was. True, I willfully do whatever I please without bounds but no matter how I dig deep into my pockets, all i can satisfy myself are a few pennies from last month's allowance.

It's sad enough that at 23, I am still a student- under the wings of my parents and shadowed by my brother's support. Worse part of it is when I am left helpless. I am supposed to work today for my Related Learning Experience but I wasn't able to because, unfortunately, my allowance is delayed.

If only I could work, if only being a nursing stude would have permitted me to.

Now, enough of my ranting. I just needed to let it out. Thanks!